The Baby Assignment
by Linxcat
Summary: Hogwarts students have to team up and look after a 'baby' for a week. Is it possible? Can they stay sane? Can they stay FRIENDS?
1. Prologue and Day One

Prologue

"This is…_ridiculous_." Draco Malfoy sneered. Pansy squinted at the thing on their desk.

"What is it anyway?" she leant forwards and poked it. The thing emitted a sharp cry and she snatched her finger back in surprise.

"Quiet, class." Came the nasal voice of their teacher, Severus Snape, as he waved his wand and the last 'thing' soared onto the desk at the back. The room quietened a little.

"You all know what magic can do. Magic can make the difference between someone living and dieing, being ill or being healthy…you know what magic can do. But there are a few things magic can_not _do. One of these things is what you will be learning in this class."

With a bored sigh, Snape turned and pointed to the blackboard.

In his own spidery handwriting, two words appeared on the board.

"Future Studies." He rolled his eyes, "Personally, I believe this class is totally pointless, especially for those of you who are more well off, but the ministry…"

Several sniggers passed up and down the room, and Snape cleared his throat noisily.

"Anyway, in this class you will be learning about the future. No, Mr Zabini, not sex, as you lot are already very familiar with that subject, but about jobs, maturing and," his lip curled, "Children."

Once again, many people snickered at this. Draco scowled and leant back in his chair.

"Children?" he drawled haughtily, "How boring." Pansy tittered and smirked.

"Yes, well, I did not volunteer to teach you. Your first assignment will be done in the pairs you have been placed in - _no complaining_."

Draco folded his arms and tipped in his chair. He glanced at Pansy beside him. He supposed it could be worse. He could have been with Millicent. At least they could have some fun together doing whatever this stupid assignment was.

Snape steepled his fingers, before pointing to the thing on Draco and Pansy's desk.

"Can anyone tell me what this is?" he snapped. Blaise raised his hand. "Yes Zabini?"

"Fat, ugly and squidgy." He replied.

"I though muggle studies wasn't till tomorrow." Pansy hissed. The people around her sniggered, including, to her delight, the young Mr Malfoy.

"That, Zabini, is an accurate description but not what I was looking for. It is a baby. It eats, sleeps, excretes and cries like a real child, which means it needs looking after like one."

He grabbed the one on the front desk by the top corner and at once it let out an ear-splitting scream. Everyone groaned and slapped their hands over their ears.

Snape tossed it to Daphne Greengrass, who caught it awkwardly. She held it at arms length, nose wrinkled.

"It needs to be soothed like a normal baby, Greengrass." Despite the wailing, Snape's voice cut through the noise quite clearly.

Daphne stared at the 'baby', clearly at a loss of what to do. She shot a desperate glance at Blaise, her partner. He raised his wand and jabbed it at the baby.

"Silencio!"

Nothing happened. If anything, the baby cried louder.

"_Silencio _will not work. It needs to be soothed like a real baby."

Daphne was bright red now; clearly embarrassed by the negative attention she was receiving. Snape flicked his wrist and ended her torment with a silent spell that made the baby fall still.

"Greengrass, Zabini, you have a lot to learn. In your partners, you will be looking after a baby for a week. If the right amount of attention is paid to the child it will grow to be the size, weight and shape of a real baby. If not…well, there will be a test at the end of the week. Next Friday, if looked after properly, the child should respond to and recognise both of you. Remember, this is a _team_ assignment. You must work together or you will not succeed."

"But, sir, this weekend's Hogsmead!" someone yelled. Snape raised an eyebrow.

"Well, you'll have to take the baby too, won't you? You can drop the child off in the Medical Ward during lesson time but in your spare time it is your responsibility. At Hogsmead there is a shop for you to buy baby supplies, such as food and bedding."

Snape folded his arms and glared at his class.

"The couple with the best looked-after baby at the end of the week will be rewarded…" his face twisted into the expression of one forced to admit something very painful, "No Potions homework for the rest of the term."

The whole room fell silent. The Potions master was notorious for giving overdoses of homework and worse detentions if said homework was not completed in time.

As each couple collected their books and baby and headed for the door, they were all thinking the same thing…

_How on earth do you look after a baby?_

Day One

Pansy and Draco made their way back to the Slytherin common room, wailing resounding in their ears.

"Will you shut that thing _up_?" Draco snapped angrily. Pansy scowled at him.

"I can't! It just won't-"

"Snape said treat it like a normal baby."

"You do it then!" Pansy, frustrated, thrust the screaming child into the boy's arms. He held it round its middle, uncertainly shifting his hands

"What do you do with a normal child when it cries?"

"Rock it." She replied curtly. Draco shot a glare at a group of giggling first years.

"I'm not _rocking_ it, it's a bag of flour!"

"Oh for heaven's sake, give it here," Pansy grabbed the baby, cradled it in the crook of her arm and gently swayed it. Slowly, the sobs quietened until all that was coming from the baby were hiccups.

"How does it make so much noise without a mouth?" Draco grumbled, leaning over at peering at it.

"Who knows. Do we need to feed it?" she tilted her arms and the hiccups subsided into heavy breathing sounds. "I think its asleep."

"Thank goodness." He grumbled, climbing through the common room door. He ambled over to the sofas, shooed away a few girls in the third year and flopped back on the cushions. Pansy stood beside him awkwardly.

"Where do I put it?" she looked around. Draco shrugged, smirking.

"Do I care? Its staying in your room, by the way."

"_My_ room? Didn't you hear Snape - this is a team project!"

"So I pay for the cot and you look after it."

"That's not fair!"

"Life isn't- hey, hey! PANSY!"

Ignoring Draco's protests, Pansy continued walking out of the room, leaving the baby sitting on his stomach. At the door to the girls' dorms, she turned.

"I'm going to have a shower. You're just going to have to cope without me for half an hour."

Draco stared at the door for a few moments after she left, furious. Then he turned back to look at the baby. It was vibrating slightly in his lap. What was he supposed to do with it whilst she was gone?

He poked it hesitantly and it shifted slightly. It was about the size and weight of a large bag of flour, with knots in each corner of the sack that wriggled like limbs. What seemed to be its face - well, it had three dents for the eyes and mouth and a kind of sticking-out bit that could have been a nose - turned towards him. All in all, Draco thought, it was rather ugly. It made an ugly sound too, he soon rediscovered, as it began to wail again.

It was not in the nature of a Malfoy to get flustered, but that was exactly what Draco did. What had Pansy said? Treat it like a real baby. Rock it.

Desperate enough to try anything, he grabbed it and rocked it rather violently. The baby wailed louder. Draco slowed down his rocking motions and it quietened again, but only a little.

"Come on, come on! Shut up! What do you want?" he muttered angrily. Then inspiration struck him. It was hungry!

He placed it carefully down on the sofa and rushed about trying to find food.

"Food, food, food," he murmured. His eyes lit up as he saw a bag of sweets. He snatched them and held them out for the baby's inspection. "Food?"

The baby continued to cry.

Draco dropped the sweets, scanning the room for anything edible. Nott was trying to smother his own baby with a pillow, so no advice there.

There was a crackle as someone started up some music. The pounding of drums and slamming of guitars filled the room. Draco closed his eyes in relief, no longer able to hear the baby's cries. Yeah, so Pansy would yell at him later for ignoring it, but sweet Merlin, that thing was _high-_pitched!

Frowning, Draco opened his eyes again. The baby was completely silent. He sat down on the sofa beside it and poked it experimentally. It seemed to be making curious purring sounds, not unlike it had done when Pansy had rocked it.

"You like the music." He said, half to himself. The thing chirruped. A little embarrassed at the prospect of having a conversation with an enchanted bag of flour, Draco cleared his throat.

"So…um, I'm just gonna…don't go anywhere, ok?"

Not given an answer, he jumped up and went to get his homework.

Half an hour later, Pansy emerged again with a scroll tucked under her arm.

"You shut it up?"

"Yeah. It liked the music."

"Oh. Right."

The two of them paused for a moment and watched the flour baby on the sofa. It seemed to be moving slightly, almost breathing, as if fast asleep.

"You know, its kind of cute." Pansy whispered finally.

And if he hadn't been a Slytherin, and a Malfoy at that, plus the fact that it was totally unmasculin…Draco might have agreed with her.

Day Two


	2. Day Two

Day Two

Draco scowled as he and the rest of the Slytherins made their way down to the group of people waiting to go to Hogsmead. Pansy was holding their baby (gosh that sounded _weird_) over her shoulder and glowering at anyone that looked at her strangely. It seemed the rest of the school had not been informed about the Baby Assignment, as anyone carrying round the sacks of flour either got sniggered or yelled at.

It got very annoying after a while.

So, as you could imagine, no one particularly wanted to be out and about with the 'babies'...at something like a Hogsmead weekend, for example...Because the teens usually looked forwards to these days of freedom, being burdened with a baby just made them more grumpy.

Despite it being a May morning, it was still rather chilly. Clouds of air billowed from everyone's lips as they hopped around, rubbing their forearms and trying to keep warm. Unfortunately for them, no one paid enough attention in Charms to know any heating spells. The grumbling and complaining grew louder and louder until the thestral-drawn carriages arrived.

"So what are we supposed to get?"

"I don't know! Check the booklet."

"_Booklet_?! You've had a blinking _booklet_ this whole time?"

"Well...yeah."

"Why did you not TELL me??"

"It was funny watching you trying to use a fork to feed the baby marmalade."

"Give me that!"

Draco snatched the booklet from Pansy's pocket, swearing under his breath. Pansy smirked smugly, considering her revenge taken.

"Right. Shopping...there's a whole list of stuff – pushchairs, bottles, highchairs..."

"It'll be like shopping for a real baby," Pansy giggled. Draco stared at her.

"Don't tell me you're enjoying this?" he snapped accusingly, "You've gone soft!"

"No!" she covered quickly, "I mean, some aspects of this project have been...amusing."

She cradled the baby in one arm and mimed trying to shovel something into its mouth with the other hand, and then gasping dramatically and jumping back, as if splashed in the face with something. Draco narrowed his eyes.

"You better watch that tongue, Parkinson, no one likes a lippy wife." He hissed.

The look of mingled shock and terror on Pansy's face made him look away, regretting his retort already. They had a kind of unspoken agreement that neither of them would mention the arranged marriage until they had to. It was common knowledge that a high-profile daddy would disown his daughter if she did not find a good husband. Mr Parkinson didn't seem to trust Pansy's judgement on the matter, so the two had been betrothed from infancy.

Draco glanced up at her. To his horror, fear shone clearly in her face. If the Malfoys called off the marriage, she might as well disown herself now.

Pansy blinked, and it was gone. Her face twisted to a mask of indifference and she jiggled the baby, eyes down.

"Let's go to that shop." She said simply, betraying no emotion.

To her surprise, instead of walking straight on past her, Draco held out his arm. It was his silent apology. She slipped her hand into the crook of his elbow, cradling the 'baby' in her other hand.

"Never mention that again."

"I won't."

That evening the two of them sat in the common room by the fire. They had bought boundless items for the baby, courtesy of Draco's father. Pansy was feeding the baby with one of the bottles they had purchased. Draco was lounging on the sofa with his arms behind his head. It was late, and there were only a few people left that hadn't retired to bed.

"You know, if my father makes me marry some other woman, I'd hire you as our nanny."

Pansy looked up sharply. Crabbe and Goyle were snoring loudly, slumped in armchairs on the other side of the room. Blaise Zabini was snogging a random girl in the other corner of the room.

"I told you not to mention that." She growled. Then curiosity got the better of her, "Why?"

"So I could have an affair with you, of course." He drawled, smirking. She raised her eyebrows. The arrogant git.

"If anyone married you but me, I'd have to kill her." She said simply.

He sat up and looked at her. He wasn't sure if she was serious or not, "You'll need someone organised and cunning to murder her."

"Any suggestions?"

"Me, duh. I'd help you."

A smile flickered over Pansy's face. She liked this game. "We couldn't get married in this country, though; we'd be obvious murder suspects!"

He lay back down, "I like Italy."

"I'll hold you to that." She chuckled.


	3. Day Three

_I was planning on abandoning this fic, but cuz you guys all reviewed, I've revived it again. Thanks to all for your wonderful ideas!_

Day Three

Pansy scribbled on the parchment, her dark hair flopping in her face. She sat up and fastened it back with a green hairclip, before holding up her homework critically. 

"It'll do." She sighed, tossing it down on the table. Her eyes trailed to the clustered group of cots in the corner of the common room; the Slytherins had figured it would be easiest to keep all the babies together. The pounding music in the background meant that if one woke up it would soon be soothed back to sleep.

Pansy climbed up and walked over to the cot nearest the window. Inside it was their baby, fast asleep. It looked less like a sack of flour now, with face-like features. She could see the outlines of its closed eyes, its snub nose sticking out and its mouth opened and closed with every breath. It was less square now, too – much more baby-shaped.

A beam of light shone down into his cot from the window; it was quite hot for a May day. Pansy was intending to make the most of it. It was the Slytherin-Griffyndor quidditch match this afternoon and Draco had already gone down for morning practise. She knew the common room would empty as everyone filtered down to watch. 

She glanced back at the cot. The baby was asleep and would be for a while. She had time to go down to the match and be back before it woke up...

Draco returned the common room sweaty and grumpy; the Gryffindors had won and bloody Potter had beaten him to the snitch. And worst of all, Pansy was off with her little clan doing Merlin-knows-what, so _he_ was left to look after the baby. Not fair!

He tossed his broom into his room and changed into fresh robes, using a quick cleansing spell to get rid of the mud. Picking up some chocolate frogs from his bedside table, he sauntered back into the common room, popping one in his mouth and going to check on the 'baby'.

He knew something was wrong from the first glance; its face was all red and blotchy and it was twitching in a strange way.

"Merlin." Draco hissed, eyes growing wide. There was no one else around as most of the Slytherins had gone to drown their sorrows in lemonade in the Great Hall. 

He grabbed the baby from the cot and held it up, "Come on, come on!"

It's eyes flickered open (Draco didn't notice that they were an icy grey, much like his own, only that they were glazed and unfocused) and rolled back into its head. Draco was now starting to panic.

"And then you would never believe what he did-"

"Pansy!" Draco gasped in relief, thrusting the baby into her hands, "Not good."

"Not good? What do you-" Pansy looked down and her eyes grew like platters, "Draco, what did you do?"

"Me? I haven't done anything!"

"Well you must have done _something_ otherwise it wouldn't be like this!" Pansy was now frantically rocking the baby, but was getting no other reaction than distressed mewling from the small sack of flour. 

"It's hot!"

"Nice one, Lockhart!" Pansy rolled her eyes, "So what do we do?"

"I don't know! You're the woman, you're supposed to be-"

"For the last time, Draco, just because I'm a woman does not mean that I'm naturally good at these things! I don't know what to do!"

Inspiration struck them both like a ton of bricks.

"But Madame Pomfrey might!" Draco grabbed her by the arm, "Come on!"

The two of them raced down the corridors to the Medical Ward, skidded to a halt outside the doors and collided heavily with the healer herself.

"Madame Pomfrey! Help!"

Draco eyed the proceedings with a composed air of nonchalance, having wiped his un-Malfoy-like momentary distress from his memories. Pansy too was calm, her dark hair tucked neatly behind her ears and hands folded in her lap, but every now and again, when she thought he wasn't looking, her eyes would dart over to the baby.

Madame Pomfrey busied herself with checking the small box that she called an _incubator_ that the baby was asleep in. 

She'd taken the baby and immediately placed it in the contraption, explaining that he (since when had it been a he?) was merely overheated and this box would help return him to normal temperature. 

Draco heard Pansy gasp and immediately looked up. The baby had opened its eyes. Madame Pomfrey smiled and lifted the sack out, handing it to Pansy.

"There we go. No harm done. Just as well you found me quickly."

Pansy nodded. The expression on her face was strange, Draco thought, much like it had been the other day when she'd been watching the 'baby' sleeping.

_Girls,_ he thought, rolling his eyes, _so emotional._

He approached with more curiosity than concern, stopping behind her and watching the small being squirm around in her arms. It was less square-shaped now, the knots at each corner waving like a real baby's limbs would. 

Madame Pomfrey eyed the two of them with amusement.

"You should come up with a name for him."

"Him?" Draco spluttered, "Since when has it been a _him_?"

"Since I picked him up earlier. He ought to start wearing a nappy."

Pansy pulled what Draco thought was possibly the funniest expression he'd ever seen on her face; she gasped in disgust and thrust the baby away from her.

"Draco. Help. Now."

Draco was laughing so hard he almost missed when he tossed her the nappy.


	4. Day Four

Day Four

Much to the 'parents' relief, they were excused from looking after the babies during lesson time. Draco found himself almost looking forward to Herbology on Monday morning, although he did notice that Pansy seemed a little reluctant to hand their sack over.

He cornered her on the way outside.

"Feeling a little broody, Parkinson?"

Pansy arched an eyebrow at him, "I don't know what you mean, Draco." She replied steadily.

"Hmm," Draco folded his arms, "What I mean is that you're acting rather..." he shuddered at the word, "Girly."

"Well Draco, I am a girl, in case you hadn't already realised," Pansy retorted, "Or did you think you've been snogging a boy for the last month?"

"What was it you said to Millicent?" he tapped his chin, "'It's so cute, it's like looking after a real baby!'"

Pansy's cheeks coloured. "Yeah, well it is, isn't it?"

"Pansy, it's a sack of flour."

"It's a sack of flour that cries, eats, and needs its nappy changing. You know he has fingers and toes now?"

"Ooh, a sack of flour with fingers and toes," Draco made exaggerated hand movements and rolled his eyes, "And don't refer to it as a he, that's just creepy."

"It is a he, Draco, if you took your turn changing his nappy you'd soon realise that."

"Quiet at the back," Professor Sprout called as the lesson began.

Draco picked up their argument again as they started on the class work; potting several strange looking plants that he didn't know the name of because he wasn't paying attention.

"If it's going to be a he, we might as well find it a name."

Pansy pursed her lips as the small green shoot squirmed in her grasp.

"Daphne and Blaise named theirs. Daisy, I think."

"Daisy?" Draco snorted, "That's common. If we're naming it, it'll at least have a decent Malfoy name."

"A decent Malfoy name?" Pansy paused in her work to pull a face at her partner, "It better be a nice name. I don't want to be carting around a sack called Druella."

"I thought you said it was a boy?"

"Even less reason to call it Druella then, isn't there?"

"Haha," Draco rolled his eyes, "You're so funny."

"Thank you," Pansy mock-bowed, "I'll be here all-"

But Draco never got to find out how long Pansy would be there for, as the moment she let go of the plant, it squirted ink in their faces and proceeded to tear across the classroom.

Pansy watched as the sack's small fingers grasped at the bottle, the hole that was its mouth sucking hungrily at the teat. She allowed herself a small smile of satisfaction; despite the little drawback they had earlier, their 'baby' was by far the most baby-like in the whole of Slytherin. If anyone was going to win the prize of no Potions homework it would be them.

"I've got it!"

Her gaze drifted to the doorway where Draco was rushing in. She raised an eyebrow.

"I'm sure I would be much more delighted for you if I knew exactly what 'it' was."

"The name." Draco sat down heavily beside her. "I've got a name for it."

"Him," Pansy corrected. Draco waved a hand dismissively.

"I owled father and-"

"You asked your father about naming a sack?"

Draco shrugged, "Naming a Malfoy child is a family emergency, so we always have a list of suitable names handy. Anyway, father sent me the list and I-"

"Draco, remember we can't give it a name that exists in my ancestry either." Pansy cut in. Draco nodded.

"Which is exactly why I checked. It's not in your family. It is completely unique. It is perfect."

"Please not Druella..." Pansy muttered as Draco picked up the small sack. He grinned triumphantly.

"Scorpius."

There was a moment's silence, which was rapidly broken by a snort from Pansy. Draco glowered at her.

"What?"

"Nothing, nothing." She giggled, covering her mouth.

"What is it? There is nothing wrong with the name Scorpius!"

"No, of course there isn't, dear." Pansy fought to keep a straight face, "It's a perfectly wonderful name." She sighed, grinning widely, before dissolving into giggles again.

Draco continued to glare at her until she composed herself. She wiped a tear from her eye.

"Well, I think it's time that little Scorpy went to bed, don't you think Draco?"

"There is nothing wrong with the name Scorpius, Pansy."

"I never said there was."

She picked up the 'baby', crossed the common room and laid him gently in one of the various cots.

"Goodnight, Scorpy," she murmured, smirking at Draco, who folded his arms and pulled a face.

"Honestly, Pansy, what kind of a nickname is Scorpy?"


	5. Day Five

Day Five

"Draco."

"Pansy."

"He smells."

"Well, after spending a few weeks with Goyle you tend to get used to his body odor..."

"Not Goyle, stupid, the baby!"

"Scorpius?" Draco looked up from his essay, "So wash him."

"Wash him? How do you wash him? He's a sack of flour, Draco!"

Pansy gestured to the strangely-shaped moving lump wriggling on a rug beside the sofa. For a few galleons, they had employed a first-year to watch him whilst they did their homework. Draco couldn't recall her name, but Pansy had suggested her as she was Daphne's sister. Annie something. Or was it Marie? He couldn't remember.

He frowned, "Put an air-freshening charm on his blanket. We'll just have to hope that Snape has a cold on Friday."

"A cold? In May, Draco?"

"People get colds in May!"

"Sure." Pansy smiled and shook her head. Her gaze travelled to the small blonde girl who was playing with Scorpius. She frowned and stood. She didn't like the way the girl was gazing avidly at the baby. Yeah, so all of the first-years liked cooing over the various sacks, but the way she was looking at Draco you would almost think-

"That's enough. You can go now, Greengrass."

Astoria looked up sharply. Pansy tossed her the galleons, smirking as the small bag collided with the girl's forehead and coins flew everywhere.

Pansy picked up the baby and gazed thoughtfully at him.

Scorpius. He'd grown a little – he was definitely heavier than the first time she had picked him up. His eyes were icy grey and wide, they would light up when he saw her or Draco. He would gasp and wave his arms and legs (she guessed they could be classed as limbs now; they were stumpy with fingers and toes). She was pretty certain that they were going to win the competition. But...

"It's gonna be strange without Scorpius here." She said quietly. Draco looked up and blinked.

"How?"

"I mean...we spend all of our free time with him," Pansy quickly replied, "We won't have anything to do once he's gone."

Draco stared at the girl for a long time. If he didn't know Parkinson better, he'd have said that she was starting to like Scorpius-the-sack. From the beginning she'd been strangely attached to it – no, him, as he was constantly reminded – and had shown enthusiasm in most areas of the task.

And, to be honest, he supposed it wasn't as bad as he had originally thought. The 'baby' wasn't much trouble, only needing occasional feeding and attention, which he took his turn in doing.

Pansy broke him from his reverie by passing him the very object of his thoughts.

"Well, I'm off, I'm meeting Daphne at eight."

"What?" Draco looked down at the squirming sack sitting on his stomach. "What do I do with Scorpius?"

"I don't know. Anything." Pansy turned and shrugged, "Spend some quality time with your 'son'."

"I'm meeting Cassandra for afternoon tea and I'm taking the house elves to carry my shopping. You'll have to look out for Draco."

Lucius looked up sharply from his paperwork. His eyes fell on the small boy who was almost hidden behind his mother's skirts. 

"Me? Don't we have a nanny or something?"

"Lucius, dear, it's only for one afternoon. Spend some quality time with your son." She smiled and patted the boy on his blond head, "Be good for daddy, Draco, sweetie." Then she left. There was an awkward silence. 

It wasn't that his parents had mal-treated him. On the contrary, Draco had everything a child could ever want or need. And Narcissa lavished motherly affection on him. But Lucius...he was always busy. Work took priority – over everything. He couldn't remember the last time they'd had a proper conversation that wasn't about finances or the importance of keeping up the purebloodline. What did normal fathers talk about with their sons? Why couldn't they talk about Quidditch, or the world cup, or even girls, as embarrassing as that would be?

Draco watched the small baby curled up on his stomach, its chest rising and falling in rhythm with his own breathing. For the first time he wondered what would happen to Scorpius after Friday. Surely 'he' couldn't just be disposed of? Draco felt a strange pang in his chest. That was inhumane – sort of. Did enchanted sacks of flour have human rights? Scorpius was almost human. He had fingers and toes, a pair of large grey eyes that lit up when he saw one of his adoptive parents. He could eat, sleep and breathe.

Draco shook his head to rid it of these weird thoughts. Scorpius was a bloody sack of flour. He would be gone in two days. He couldn't get attached to him.

No, Draco thought, he was a Malfoy. He was egoistic. He was smug. He was aloof. He didn't care for Scorpius-the-sack. Not even a little.

Not even a little.


End file.
